I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
