Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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