I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
