i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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