I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize