i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
