so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
