So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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