Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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