so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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