I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's the barista slut.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
