Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
