i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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