I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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