Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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