Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
