Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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