The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
