guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my poor anus
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
