At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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