Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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