Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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