booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
