eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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