She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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