I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
