forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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