Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
