You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She said her name was "party"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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