We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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