Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
