My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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