Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
