I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
