What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dicks are not precious.
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