I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
