Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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