U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
