hell yes lets make some ravioli
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
