Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
