my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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