I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
