Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
