He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
