This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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