I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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