Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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