In the future we'll all be gay
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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