Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
