I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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